7.17.19

The Roland family was blessed with a healthy baby boy on 7/17/19. We proudly introduce to you, Maxwell Jameson.

He entered into the world after 15 hours of labor and instantly filled our hearts with love. Our family is now complete and we couldn’t be happier. The stats are important to any Mom out there; he was 6lb 11oz, 19 inches long, and yes, I got an epidural at the 9th hour of labor.

We didn’t have a name for the longest time, and officially had no middle name until after he was born. We had a list of names we liked but it was a challenge to narrow it down. I have no intention to call him Max and will likely correct people for the rest of my life that his name is Maxwell. And despite what my Mom thinks, we didn’t name him after her two favorite drinks, Maxwell House Coffee and Jameson; we have no cool story behind his name other than it was regal and flowed with our desire for a classic name that was easily pronounced with a Jersey accent.

Jamari was a fantastic support during labor and delivery. It’s hard to imagine him being any calmer than his norm, but in situations like labor and delivery he is the calm in the storm. Even the nurses were making jokes that he was so chill and relaxed. While the anesthesiologist couldn’t place the epidural properly and kept making deep sighs (not the sound you want to hear your anesthesiologist making while inserting a large needle into your back) he kept me relaxed and even engaged in small talk. Those are the moments that I know marrying him was the best decision of my life.

Maxwell is the chillest baby you’d ever meet. Pretty much Jamari, but only 7lbs and less bicep. We prepped ourselves for the newborn phase we experienced with our cherub, Audrey, and were a bit confused when we didn’t have the “second night syndrome” scream fest in the hospital. Jamari and I even joked that we didn’t want to discuss it because we didn’t want to jinx it. We heard of this phenomenon where kids could be totally different, but didn’t believe it. Even now, I hesitate typing about him being so calm because I think what if tonight (night 19) he might choose to cry all night? For the most part, if you change his diaper, feed him, and swaddle him; he’s happy as can be and super quiet. We have to wake him up for his feedings through the day and he only wakes up twice a night. I feel like the universe said, “these two deserve a break after the first year they had with Audrey” and threw us a unicorn baby.

It’s true when people say that when you have another child your heart and love grow in a way you didn’t realize was possible. In the days leading up to Maxwell’s birth I found myself feeling very anxious and worried that Audrey would struggle to understand the new addition, or would feel unloved. Being an only child, I wasn’t familiar with how to adjust to siblings and struggled to make the transition easier for her. But I was shocked when we entered the house with Maxwell and she shrieked, “my baby!” with excitement. We purposely asked for no visitors at the hospital so that we could allow Audrey to be the first to “meet” Maxwell. We know that she won’t remember it, but we will, and it was special for our family. Maxwell brought her some gifts from the hospital, but she was instantly in love with him and in awe that there was a smaller human than she was that she could have cared less about the presents. I don’t want to jinx it, but we are 2.5 weeks in and she is still equally as interested.

I knew that with Audrey I struggled from the beginning with PPD, but it wasn’t until Maxwell’s birth that I realize how severe PPD impacted my bonding experience and first few months of her life. I now can appreciate when other Moms talk about love at first sight. I felt a bit disconnected during the pregnancy with Maxwell; mostly because I was running around after a toddler, but also because I was afraid of not being able to share the love I had established for Audrey. However, the moment he was placed onto my chest after delivery I felt all the anxiety and stress melt away and it was an instant rush of emotion. I was in love with him instantly. I felt a bit guilty that I didn’t experience that with Audrey and struggled for weeks/months with her to grow a bond. But I remind myself swiftly that the connection I have with Audrey is equally as special, and all that we went through brought us to where we are now and makes our story special.

So, now the Roland’s are officially a party of 4. We are complete and embracing this new season of life. I fell off the blog wagon for a bit while pregnant because let’s be honest, I was falling asleep at 7:05 each night 5 minutes after Audrey’s bedtime. But, in my delirious, sleep deprived, and freshly postpartum state, I am saying I am back on the wagon and plan to blog more often. I should also note that this post took me 4 days to finally publish because, mom life. I suppose like everything else in this adjustment period, I need to give a bit of grace and accept that this, and leaky boobs are my new norm.