Ciao Italia!

About 5 months an idea was floated around about a trip with our friends, Matt and Dana, fast forward and here we are! We originally planned on Greece and Italy, then the wine wore off and we decided Italy was enough with 3 children, 6 and under. This trip included taxis, walking, planes, trains, buses, and ferries, 4 different AirBnB’s, visited 5 cities (Rome, Florence, Impruneta, Forio, Ischia), bathroom stops at every destination (read: 3 kids). and a birthday celebration for Dana. This post is partially because I promised myself to blog frequently, but more it is because I never want to forget the memories.

Our friends made the long journey over the pond to Rome, and we arrived later that evening. Rome, was Rome. Fast paced, loud, congested, and lots of walking. A gorgeous city with an old European charm urban appearance. I adore the outdoor eating, loud passionate talking, and walkability of the city. It wouldn’t be a Rome tour without visiting the Colosseum, the Forum, Trevi Fountain, random fountains, gelato, Pantheon, and pasta! It was whirl wind of walking, eating, laughing and catching up since we hadn’t seen each other in a year, and taking in all the sites in 24 hours before our train left to Florence.

5 Rome Tips:

• Use the children’s early rising habits to get out an about before crowds really started filtering in.

• When in doubt, buy the gelato to keep everyone happy.

• No need to buy water, there is ice cold water around the city streaming out of fountains.

• Afternoon Colosseum tour is prime after lunch, and the crowd wasn’t terrible. Buy your tickets in advance, they sell out quickly! Great photo opportunity on the lower level as you are leaving, no need to fight crowds at the top for a photo.

• Eat a late lunch, around 2:30. Restaurants don’t open until 7 for dinner, but don’t miss the 5-7 spritz o’ clock.

We woke up on our second day in Rome and packed our bags to head to the train station in route to Florence. Traveling around Italy is easy compared to other destinations we’ve been. The train system is relatively cheap, clean, and on time. Our travel companion, Dana, was a rock star and handled all ticket arrangements for us, and upgraded our tickets to prima. It was almost too easy. We scanned our ticket, boarded the train, sat for 3 hours…TA-DA! We were in Florence. We grabbed an Uber van from the train station, and went to our AirBnB to drop our bags and start exploring. I’m a fan of Florence. I love the fast past cities, but Florence won my heart for a second time. It’s slower, calmer, yet still has the old, urban, European charm of Rome. I find the food in Florence to be divine, appreciate the street art vendors, and can’t ask for a better Chianti. As with any popular attraction be sure to purchase any tickets to galleries or sites ahead of time (Thanks, Dana!) Florence is also a hop, skip, and jump to the wine country, which I strongly recommend going to visit for a day. We had quite the adventure when we journeyed to Tuscany for a day.

5 Tips for Florence:

• Visit the leather market, but buy from one of the store fronts for authenticity. Be sure to negotiate prices, the price you see is not the price you should pay.

• Try steak or veal in Florence. Obviously pasta is amazing throughout Italy, but a delicious Florentine steak with a red wine is *chefs kiss*

• Uffizi Gallery is remarkable, but not for littles. It was hard for Audrey to find the appreciation, and I ended up leaving with Maxwell. It wasn’t fair to have him complaining and whining while others spend lots of money that want to enjoy the art. Some day, but not now.

• The Academia is cool, and small. I would chose this over Uffizi with kids. In and out 30 mins.

• Grab a gelato across the street from the Duomo, and sit to enjoy the magnificent architecture of the building. It is massive. (Another plus for Italy in general are the large piazzas. Great for kiddos to run around, people watch, and take a snack break).

We concluded our time in Florence after 3 days, and moved on to the next adventure in Forio, a village on the island of Ischia. By this time we thought we were seasoned, but really we were just getting started. We took the train from Florence to Naples (1.5 hour). We didn’t have prima class this time around, and felt it, so much so that on that train Dana booked prima class for us on the return train from Naples back to Rome. The seats were tighter, the train was louder, and we were all stressed trying to make our train. We knew the time schedule was tight, so we grabbed breakfast outside the train station to take aboard. To include the hottest cup of coffee known to man. We navigated 3 children, 4 adults, 5 suitcases, 4 backpacks, a stroller, and a number of affectionately called “charm bracelet bags” (smaller bags) onto the train, We didn’t anticipate there being zero overhead space for our luggage since previously we had no issues. So we pushed ALL the bags onto the train to our seats and then fought to push all the bags back since the trained was loaded with people. It’s at the moment, where you are sweating, hot, stressed, frustrated, and have to pee, that not one but all 3 kids start crying in unison about different things. Jamari and Dana were loading suitcases in one section of a different car, Matt handling the bags that were closest to him in another car, and me with the 3 kids trying to pass out lollipops and bribe them to stop screaming. Every passenger staring at us like we are a circus. But wait! We aren’t done. Matt’s fuming coffee accidently spilled while we were trying to organize 3 ipads, snacks, and water bottles (why do kids need everything instantly when you sit down?) and burns Audrey’s legs and stomach. Superficially. Not a big deal, but big enough for her to scream as if we poured the coffee intentionally and she was dying slowly. We wiped it up, calmed everyone down, and laughed hysterically announcing, “Americans are here” and Audrey joked “we look like a bunch of dirty cockroaches”. No truer statement had been spoken! And Jamari…you may ask where Jamari was during this experience? After he was finished finding a home for the 1 suitcase he was responsible for, he sat quietly in the seat behind our 4 person table seat (where we had 6 people, since Ella and Maxwell were lap seats) and relaxed with his coffee and snack peacefully.

We arrived into Naples, took a taxi to a restaurant near the port (where I ate the best pizza of my trip), and boarded our ferry to Forio. Naples isn’t my favorite destination, not even one I would willingly stay in. It’s rough. But the taxi from the train station to the ferry port is 15 mins, and very easy to navigate. (Pro tip: If you are traveling with kids, request to stand in the family section for the ferry boarding. You’re moved to the front of the line.) We boarded our ferry to Ischia and 1 hour later were departing the ferry and heading to our AirBnb.

Ischia is a beautiful island off the coast of Naples, there are many villages attached and is typically a destination for tourists to visit. Forio, the village we stayed in with a beautiful, beachside villa in a much less tourist friendly location. Forio was very much a destination for Italian only-tourists and didn’t offer the welcomed feel Ischaia provided.

It didn’t help that one evening during spritz o’clock Audrey and Maxwell were playing in the street, bumped into a Nonna (wearing wedge sneakers, seriously, why?) and she hit the ground…HARD. Could’ve been worse, she was ok, but long story short; we were known around the island quickly and Nonna has some clout in Forio. After falling, she sat at the table directly next to us cursing out Audrey, and our group. Other patrons started getting fiesty too starting to stand up and confrontation was inevitable. Now, we know how I become Mama Bear pretty quickly, but we also know that Mama Bear in a country where she doesn’t speak the language, in a village that doesn’t want American tourism, and her kid literally knocked down the village grandma; it isn’t gonna end well. However, I also learned Dana is forever my road dog and it doesn’t matter where she is, what language she speaks, or doesn’t, and who is standing up; Dana’s gonna rumble. None the less, words were had, we paid our check, we left, and we struggled to find a restaurant for dinner that evening. We are convinced we made it to the village What’s App group and were banished from the island. Didn’t stop us from enjoying our last days there.

The sunset in Forio is something unlike I have ever seen before. Cotton candy skies that seem to go on forever. There is a lookout near the church in Forio, that is where is entire village gathers to watch the sun fall into the sea each night. They have little stands to buy a drink and grab a snack, sit on bright orange bean bags, and listen to Con te Partiró which perfectly is timed each night as the sun drops into the next day. We stayed near the port in Forio, which provided beautiful views of the water, and brightly painted homes along the coast. The restaurants boast outdoor seating, and seafood and rabbit are the options most plentifully available. There is something incredibly refreshing about the salty air and hint of sand that can be felt as you wipe your face. The next day, we took a quick taxi ride to the other side of the island (where we were less known) to Ischia, and enjoyed lunch and a walk the next day. This side is much more tourist friendly, albeit most tourist are not American and Italian is widely used. Enjoyed our last evening, and hopped back onto the ferry to Naples, then the train, and landed back in Rome.

5 Forio/Ischia Tips

• Stay in Ischia. Forio is adorable, but it is not as welcoming as the other side of the island. Although, our AirBnB was hard to beat, I think the other side would be more tourist friendly.

• Food portions are much smaller than other parts of Italy.

• The sunset in Forio was absolutely stunning. Highly recommend going to the church lookout for a drink/snack, and enjoying the sunset before dinner. This was our nightly routine.

• Breakfast is slim in restaurants, almost non existent. Best to buy groceries and make something.

• World renowned hot springs are on Ischia island. We didn’t go because of timing but I would definitely check one out next time.

Once we arrived in Rome, we had one last delicious meal with our friends, gave huge hugs until next time, and waved them off. We had an additional night in Rome, so we did some grocery shopping (do you even live abroad if you don’t smuggle back meat and cheeses in your suitcase?) and shopping for essentials, and hit the airport the next day.

It was an incredible 10 days. With all the adventure, nothing went wrong. Despite kid fights, and tantrums; the adults had a blast. It was awesome getting to spend time with friends and share experiences of travel with them. Our life so often involves travel and new places, sharing that with friends was special. Traveling with kids can be challenging because they too have their own opinions, and get tired from all the walking and movement. We found that breaks often with treats like gelato, and playgrounds to allow them to feel special and that we were doing something for them helped greatly.

So Cains…where to next?

Lack of Writer's Block

Is there a term for lack of writer’s block? For the last year there’s been so many good posts sitting and waiting in my queue, only to be deleted. I have a serious fear of publishing something that can cause issues while we are overseas. It goes without saying, everything I write on my blog is my own opinion (which I am not short of) and not the views of the U.S. Government. But, it is nerve wracking and makes me second guess my writing when I really start in on my opinionated pieces. Algeria is an interesting location with traditional values, fear of dramatic change, and deep suspicion of outsiders. With limited freedom of press, it makes me nervous to step over that invisible line and I find myself censoring my own writing which is very unlike me. After a year living here, I observe daily that my personal views and deep rooted values are a bit different than the majority here. That’s witnessed first hand with the glares and grimaces as I wear my bright colored pink blazer, and rainbow earrings out and about (but that will never change me). Algerian people are resilient and have experienced a lot during their independence as a country. The youth are living in between cultures; trying to maintain the traditions yet so eagerly jump at the opportunity to have a conversation on life in America. American music is popular, Netflix is a favorite past time, and I’m often asked about America and what it’s like. Honestly, it’s wild to hear the call to prayer while walking outside and Tupac blasting on the radio of car passing by at the same time.

So let’s catch up! This year has been…a doosey. We’ll start with the “rough” and get that out of the way. Sadly, we lost our beloved Kingston in October. I don’t have it in me to do an entire post because it still stings, but the long and short of it is that we arrived to Algiers with him having stomach issues, and it progressed drastically, and quick. It was an intense and absolutely grueling 8 weeks of him suffering because euthanasia is forbidden here. Honestly, that’s all I am going to write about that because I want to remember him healthy, strong, and being the best dog I ever had. He was put to sleep restfully, and is buried at the Embassy where he will forever be a diplo-dog.

Living abroad has been a learning curve for all of us. Everything is a bit more complicated than I prefer and am used to. After living here for a year, you would think I would be used to the 4 market, shopping routine, but I’m not. The relaxed attitude of fixing something with duct tape, 4 days later, is hard to understand for my fast paced, NJ mindset. I find myself constantly giving myself mini zen sessions, “drop your shoulders, relax your jaw, breath through your nose…WTF! Ok, start again…”. Daily life has taught me what I miss most about the simplicity of America, and also what I don’t need to survive. Maybe it’s psychological, but sometimes the slow pace and working without all the amenities makes life simple. My kids aren’t asking for the latest and greatest of anything because they don’t know it exists. There’s no overspending at Target, because I can only browse undisturbed online so long. But it doesn’t change my opinion that I REALLY miss delivery Thai food, and microwaveable steamed veggies.

Month 2 of living in Algeria we had an apartment fire. I should preface this with Audrey had a concussion from falling on the marble floor the same day, and was being driven home by Jamari from our health unit. So stress was high already. Our fantastic nanny, Samia was waiting for her and looking out the door. She saw flames from the peep hole. She grabbed Maxwell, ran to the bathroom, soaked a towel in water and wrapped him in it, and knew the only way out of the 3rd floor walk-up was through the flames so she walked through the flames to escape. Can we all take a second and re-read that she walked through flames with my child to save him? An absolute hero. As running out of the building, Jamari was pulling into the driveway and extinguished the fire with a colleague he was with. It was intense and terrifying. Even with the training Jamari and his colleague have, it’s different when you know it is your own home. In true Jamari fashion, I learned about said fire with a text to my cell with 3 emojis, no words (a man running, a fire, a house). If you’re ever looking to place a game of Scattergories, Jamari is your man! The Embassy moved us to temporary housing, and we were able to move back to our home a week later after they deep cleaned every inch and surface. Samia received a well deserved award from our Ambassador and there wasn’t a dry eye in the room when they described her heroism.

Audrey began and graduated kindergarten without any major incidents and zero trips to the principal! She is now into her first week of first grade and blossoming into a Mini Maureen daily. (I have never been more proud, or frustrated at the same time.) Maxwell will be attending Pre-K hopefully in a few weeks, and is excelling in his speech where he flows between English and French. They each celebrated summer birthdays, with Audrey now being 6 and Maxwell being 4. Audrey had her requested mermaid themed pool party, and Maxwell received his requested Marine and Seabee attended pizza party.

Life at post will need to be it’s own post but I can summarize that the people at post make this life worth it! It sounds cliche, but it is so true. My children have grown attached to the young Marines who work in our Embassy. My colleagues at work (YES! I work again!) make my days fly by and give me the best laughs. We spend our holidays and weekends with friends at post. I spend a lot of time volunteering for the commissary (which I also manage), and our bar which is an anomaly in Algeria where I bartend with a friend. It’s definitely a “it is what you make it” kind of place, so I work really hard to make it uplifting and fun.

Lastly, we have been jet setting while living here which has been a huge mood booster for my depression. We have been to France 3x, Mexico, Los Angeles, DC, Portugal, and head to Italy next week. In my best Daniel Tiger jingle I tell Jamari, “When I feel so mad that I want to roar…I buy a plane ticket…and jump aboard”. It’s been really cool to take the kids along on these adventures and watch them explore, try new foods, hear new languages, and listen to Maxwell out speak all of us in French. Audrey will tell you she prefers Bordeaux to Lisbon, but not over Nice. A huge reason we travel out of country so often is to continue to instill to Audrey and Maxwell that our family is in fact, normal. You don’t see mixed families in Algiers, and we are often stared at and get our picture taken out of curiosity. It’s critical for Audrey especially to see that when we travel there are all different kinds of families.

Whew! I did it! I wrote my first blog post in a year. Hopefully this inspires me to continue publishing and stop deleting the posts I write. We’re here for another year and have many more adventures ahead so I promise I will share more.

Hello from algiers!

We have officially moved to Algiers, Algeria! This has been almost two years in the making since we first received our onward assignment, and tacked on an extra move to DC for a year for Jamari to learn French. I’ll spare you the long story of our pack-out from Virginia and arriving in Algiers, but I will say that there was an added 3 weeks of hotel stays and travel while we waited for our visas. But, we are here! We arrived 2 weeks ago, and are all settling into our new normal.

Moving (in general) is always a stressful and carefully planned out process; but moving internationally with two kids under 4, a large dog, and all of our possessions for the next few months fit into bags is a logistical cluster. I’ll give a brief rundown of how we did it, since I am constantly asked by non-foreign service/military families who don’t PCS how it’s done. We strategically planned the last 2 nights of our stay in an airport hotel next to Dulles, knowing they would offer free shuttles for the kids and I with all the bags (obstacle #1) and rented a mini van from the airport to be delivered on the day of our departure so Jamari could transport the massive dog cage and Kingston (obstacle #2). We arrived to the airport and the shuttle assisted unloading all of our bags (8 duffles, 4 carry ones, 4 personal items, 2 car seats, 1 stroller, and 2 kids). Jamari returned the rental van while the kids, Kingston, and I hung out outside the airport answering all the questions people who passed by had. (Side Note: The airport is the only place I have ever been vocally cheered on by other mom’s, “You’ve got this mama” is a common mantra I heard schlepping through the airport”.

Once Jamari returned, I had flagged down a skycap to assist me loading the bags onto a flatbed cart to push into the airport. Once inside it gets a bit chaotic because we need to move ALL this stuff with just the two of us. I miss travel circa 2003 when skycaps actually assisted you past the front door, but we managed. We parked the cart on the side of the ticketing booth, and navigated the line with the kids and Kingston. There is always some confusion when we PCS on having two bags each, that we are paying upfront for the additional bag, and then we added the dog into the mix and it took way longer than I would’ve wanted, but 35 minutes later we were having Kingston’s crate scanned by TSA and waving goodbye to him as he went on his own voyage. He flew on the plane with us, but in cargo. And it’s necessary to give praise where due, and Lufthansa is due praise! They took exceptional care of him, even giving him a bath during our layover in Frankfurt. He arrived into Algiers clean, and well rested from his travel.

16 hours after our wheels where up, they were back down in Algiers via a 4 hours layover in Frankfurt. The kids did great during the flight, despite only sleeping the last 20 minutes of each flight. Everyone was in good spirits and we were all excited to land, get our things, and check out our new home. We managed to successfully collect ALL the bags, and the dog and be out of the airport and into our awaiting vans within 1 hour.

Our new home is darling, it is a walk up apartment style in a busy neighborhood with convenient shopping directly across the street. It is lined of marble floors (that I would never be able to afford), and a stunning roof top terrace where I’ve learned to love for night cap drinks, and early morning coffee. The adhan (call to prayer) is heard loudly when I have the windows cracked, and the smell of charcoal BBQ is alluring. We live off a bustling street which is fun to hear the conversations and cars while we sit outside. English is scarcely spoken in our immediate neighborhood (which I haven’t navigated much out of quite yet), and with minimal Arabic and zero French it has been a slight learning curve for communication. But, I am finding with pointing and Google translate, anything is possible. Kingston has a small yard to hang out in, and multiple terraces off our apartment to get some sun. We even have a built in apartment cat, that lives in the yard. The apartment feels a bit barren right now because none of our own possessions outside of what we carried in luggage is here. We have a few months yet before we receive our decor and personal items, so until then we are grateful for the Embassy provided items.

Grocery shopping is one of the only things that makes me say, “I miss home” so far. It is a bit of a new concept after living in the US for 5 years. The grocery “stores” are called superettes, and are about the size of a small NYC bodega (if you are lucky). They stock essentially all dry goods and hygiene products you might need. Let’s just say, a 7-11 would be considered a superstore compared to the size of said superettes. I stop by the superette for my dry goods needed, then to the fruit and vegetable stand for any produce, and then to the butcher for meat. If I want bread, I need to find a bakery, and fish is sold solely at the fish market. Basically 3 to 4 stops to make a meal. It’s also taken me a minute to realize that if it is on the shelf, and I like the product, I need to buy it all like early covid style. Things aren’t restocked frequently, or ever.

Quickly, I will mention our next steps here; I will be working full-time soon at the Embassy. Audrey will be attending kindergarten at the end of the month. Jamari is thriving in his new assignment and enjoying being back in an office after what felt like years of virtual work. The children have a nanny, who will stay with them while we both work, and will be teaching them French. Kingston is enjoying his old man Mediterranean retirement style. We’ve already purchased a car and hit up the beach last weekend for a glorious day of swimming in the Mediterranean Sea, and we are back in full swing of embassy lifestyle living.

LASIK Experience

I ended my 30 year relationship with glasses and contacts last week when I had my eyes lasered to perfection with LASIK surgery. I have wanted to have the procedure done for years, but wasn’t a candidate until recent years when the technology changed. I relied solely on reviews on yelp, facebook, and google to find a place because I wasn’t familiar with anyone in the area who has had it. I went for my consultation at TLC Laser Center and very impressed with the facility, the staff, and the hour and a half consultation. I was scheduled for the following week for surgery!

Surgery Day

I had stayed up later than usual, woke up a bit earlier, and skipped my coffee to give myself a better chance of sleeping after my surgery. I scheduled for the surgery to be the last of the day because I had read that it was important to go home and sleep for 4-6 hours. They prescribed a mild sedative to take once you arrive at the center so keep you calm during the procedure. After checking in and taking my medication, I was brought into an exam room to do a final check of my vision and make sure the prescription was correct and get numbing eye drops. They asked me to text my ride to wait outside the doors (covid protocols) to assist me out once my procedure was complete. Then we walked into the surgery room. I hadn’t met the surgeon prior, so we chatted quickly about what I should expect, I specifically asked to not have detailed information because the less I know the better when it comes to making a flap on my eyeball with a laser.

Surgery

The actual surgery was done within 10 minutes and was something out of a Sci-Fi movie, you stare at bright lights while your eyes are numbed and cut with lasers giving you perfect vision. I laid on a on a large table which looked similar to an MRI machine, placed a pillow under my knees and got comfy. Skip this part if you don’t like details, but I think its important for those who are interested in the surgery. In hindsight I wish I would have let the doctor give me a bit more information than I did, because I was a bit taken aback by the sounds and smells. First step was the suction; you stare at a colored light the entire time and your eye lids are held back to not get in the way (calm down, your numb and don’t feel this). The machine applies a suction to your eye and you hear it (imagine the most annoying soup slurping suction multiplied by 100 and its on your eyeball) and feel immense pressure. This was the worst part for me. We had to do it a few times because the sound was just a bit too much for me to handle and I couldn’t relax enough and kept squirming. Just when I was about to say I couldn’t handle the feeling of the pressure on my eye, the surgeon said, “great job, moving on”. You feel no pain, but the pressure was intense and uncomfortable. Next was the laser, I continued to stare at a light in the machine, and then started to smell something burning. It smelled similar to when I fry my hair with my straightener. I definitely did not expect to have all my senses awakened during the procedure, so I was startled when I started smelling something. Before I could ask any questions, the smell stopped and we were moving onto the next eye. Once finished, the surgeon moved the machines and asked if I was ready to see the world differently. He assisted me sitting up, and I looked across the room at the clock on the wall and saw the time! 3:47! I could see across the room for the first time in almost 30 years without glasses! It was still quite blurry and hazy but, I could certainly see better than without glasses 10 minutes prior. They gave me a pair of black out glasses and walked me to the door to meet Jamari.

Recovery

On my way home I took 800mg of Motrin and a Unisom knowing it would kick in by the time I got home. They warned if I didn’t sleep for 4-6 hours after the surgery I could expect quite a bit of pain and burning, and I wanted to avoid that. Immediately the lights in the hallway and sunshine blinded me and I had to rely on help getting into the car and home. I set up my bedroom before going to the procedure so I wouldn’t need to do anything but climb into bed. I used a humidifier in the bedroom to put moisture in the air since dry eye is one of the worst side effects of the surgery. I had my sleep mask ready to be sure I wouldn’t touch my eyes while sleeping. They do give you goggles to wear but they were clear and I needed a blackout mask to sleep. My headphone headband helped to block out noise and came in handy for listening to podcasts and audiobooks the next few days, and Jamari kept me closely on a timer schedule to come in with medicine and prescribed drops. The next few days, I wore sunglasses around the house and outside, avoided all screens, and took a nap whenever my eyes started to feel fatigued or strained. Each time I woke up, my vision was crisper. I underestimated the length of recovery time, and assumed from things I read that I would feel fine in 24 hours, but it was more like 5 days before I had no grainy, pain, or light sensitivity indoors. My vision at 6 days post op is still fluctuating slightly but that is normal and expected for the next month. Sometimes I can see the time on the oven clock across the room, other times it is quite blurry. I have kept my phone and iPad on a dimmer setting because, I do notice that my eyes are sensitive to screens and feel more comfortable at a lower light setting. I had minor bruising in both eyes, but my right eye has maintained the bruise a bit longer. Eye bruising looks like the eye is a bit blood shot. I rely heavily on the artificial tears, applying them at least hourly, or whenever my eyes get remotely uncomfortable and the prescribed steroid drops 4 times a day. No eye makeup for 10 days, no hot tubs or swimming for 2 weeks, and absolutely do not rub your eye for at least a month to not disrupt the flap created by the surgery; but other than that business as usual. They said I could legally drive the next day if I felt up to it.

I told my mom the morning after surgery, if I had to get it again I absolutely wouldn’t because I was still a bit traumatized from the eyeball pressure and smell of the laser, but 6 days out I have changed my mind, and think I would do it again in a heartbeat. The feeling of being able to see without any lenses is amazing. For the first time I am able to go from hot to cold without fogged glasses, clean my shower without missing a spot because I couldn’t see it, and wake up and look around the room. It’s an amazing surgery that changes your eyesight in a matter of minutes. I am all the way team LASIK!

What I Wish I Knew Before Going Viral

It was a little more than a year ago when my frustration one morning from a rude neighbor led to a blog post which went further than I ever could have imagined. My cathartic online journal (blog) that never received views (other than my own Mom) suddenly was being shared faster than I could have ever imagined via social media and forums. It was in that instant that I was both terrified and excited. Terrified because it’s true that once you send something into the virtual world, it is forever out there; but exciting that our account of racial discrimination was being viewed by so many eyes (around the world). My social media accounts are minimal; I am not a professional “blogger”, and I would have never imagined my small domain name would hit hundreds of thousands of views in a matter of weeks. The entire experience was overwhelming and left me struggling to continue to write. It was difficult to return to my blog because that single post held such significance, I had a difficult time finding topics that would matter. I mean, how do I go from writing such an emotional post to narrate my stay at home mom days which led to serious writers block.

There are a few things I wish I had known prior to my post going viral. Internet comments can completely ruin your day. I am guilty of it as well on social media, reading something and then scrolling through the comments; but after my post went viral I stopped. It was amazing how hateful people can be while behind a keyboard, which is saying a lot considering the post was written about hate we were experiencing. A good friend of mine who had her share of social media interactions while running a business and a successful YouTube channel for years, told me the minute my post went viral “don’t read the comments”. It would have saved me many tears had I listened. For my own well being, I stopped viewing and replying to all comments (even kind ones) because it became too much. While everyone is entitled to their own opinions it is challenging to read things about your own story, family, and self coming from complete strangers.

You’ll relive your story more than you’d like once it is out in the virtual world. We gave permission for a local newspaper interview and a national news interview; but I have seen our story published in many blog websites, online journals, and across so many various platforms even more than a year later. Once I published my blog article it was forever on the web and it will be something that will follow a google search of our names forever.

My little blog received over 100 thousand views and I have no idea how many shares. But those numbers are unimaginable to me considering the city of Burbank, CA has a little over 100,000 people residing there. An entire city population could have read my post! With all those views, comes a lot of opinions which people are not shy about sharing via the internet. The internet is an astounding resource of information and the ability to spread our story to more than 100 thousand people is incredible. Another aspect I never anticipated was being recognized in public. For a good year, we had people stopping us in public places asking if we were the couple that they saw in the paper, on the news, online. It was a 50/50 shot if they were going to have negative commentary or positive after admitting it was us. Most was positive comments in public, it was online where the hateful comments flowed freely.

You might regret your post. In the days following my post, I regretted publishing it often because the comments, phone calls, emails, and constant requests for interviews was making me question if it was worth it to share our story. I was nervous that I could have potentially affected my husband’s job by the media attention, and feared for my families safety when we became thrown quickly into the public eye and the hate from individuals became so brutal online. In person, things changed; we were receiving a lot of friendly hello’s and conversations with other families who experienced similar situations to ours. I was tired of repeating the story and felt that some publications I was reading was changing the narrative. I wrote my blog to express the exhaustion I had battling racism against my family on a daily basis, not reflecting the accomplishments of my husband and or his career. In the long run, the post and its outcome outweighed my regret of publishing. It was a conversation starter for so many people, it was shared thousands of times and read hundreds of thousands, it brought awareness to a situation we faced in hopes that the next family moving into a neighborhood won’t experience the same.

In the end, going viral was an experience I wouldn’t change. I think it was a positive experience for our family as well as our children to know that we stood up for ourselves and our family. That the power of your words can be heard across countries and words have the ability to spark change.

Snow For Days

Growing up in New Jersey I remember waking up at 5 am when there was snow outside, to sit in the living room watching the names of schools that were closed for the day scroll across the bottom of the local news channel alphabetically. If you missed your school, you’d have to wait another 20 minutes praying for it to come up. Depending on where we live in the world for assignments, my children may never know what a “snow day” is. We received an unusual amount of snow for Virginia this week and it was lovely. The first snow fall brought us 11 inches of fluffy white powder to pounce around in and enjoy.

In the fake parenting course I am constantly creating in my head, I will be sure to include an entire chapter on preparing children to go out in the snow. It takes preparation, planning, and much patience to take two children out into the frozen tundra of my front yard, especially when I was completely unprepared with snow gear and had to dig through our unpacked boxes to find mismatched snow items. Audrey wore pink glitter combat boots and snow pants that went to her ankle, while Maxwell wore 3 pairs of sweatpants, too small snow boots, and gloves 3 sizes too large. After sweating while running around and getting everyone ready to step out the door we were ready! After a solid 6 minutes outside Audrey declared that it was boring without Jamari and she wanted to go inside. Wrong. It took me 27 minutes to get ready to go outside, we were spending at least 28 minutes outside having the time of our lives before going back in. We had a snow ball fight, took a snow scavenger hunt walk, cleaned the snow off the car, made snow cones, and tried to create a snow man. We couldn’t find a sled so we rolled down the hill instead. After our 30 minute jaunt outside we came back in to enjoy hot cocoa. I wouldn’t change the struggle of snow suits and toddlers multiple times a day for anything, it was so much fun to watch them roll around and enjoy the snow.

Next year we won’t get to experience snow without traveling for it, so I wanted to be sure to create all the memories we could in case we don’t have snow again this season. I remember snow days and the joy that they brought as a child. I hope my kiddos will look at the photos and remember the same joy.

In October, We Wear Pink!

This year, October’s breast cancer awareness month is feeling a bit closer to home than it has before. With complete honesty, I can admit that I used to be peeved how everything in October turned pink to bring awareness to breast cancer, but every other cancer type wasn’t represented in the same light. Then in December my world was shaken with my Mom’s diagnosis of breast cancer and this year, I want to paint my house pink to represent her struggle, her determination, and survival (but I won’t because I am currently renting and the neighbors probably wouldn’t appreciate that). My mom was diagnosed with lobular breast cancer, which is a rarer form of breast cancer. She discovered her lump herself, which indicated to her oncologists that she had the cancer within her for years undiagnosed, although she received annual mammograms that had not detected it. If you have ever experienced the world shattering diagnosis of cancer for yourself, a family member, a friend, then you can understand the close attachment you grow with the word ‘cancer’. I became completely consumed with all things breast cancer and spent hours researching and learning my way around every term, kind, research medications and treatments, and options. It became a job for me to completely understand everything surgeons, nurses, and doctors were telling my Mom and then to explain it to her in a way that wasn’t as terrifying. I personally took on the responsibility to know every outcome possible in her diagnosis and to navigate her journey beside her and filtering her from the things she didn’t need to know, to allow her to focus on her survival, knowing fully that survival wasn’t guaranteed.

My Mom was extraordinarily blessed and is in remission despite the size of her tumor and the timeframe for which she had the cancer undetected and we don’t take a moment to take that for granted. I wanted to take the time to write down some of the things I collected after hours of scouring the internet in the most hopeless moment of life in hopes of helping someone else who may be going through a breast cancer diagnosis or supporting someone with a diagnosis.

Ways to Help:

I lived a 3 hours plane ride to my mom in another state at the time, but selfishly needed to do as much as possible to help her, and be apart of the situation. Physically being there was a challenge, but technology made things much easier.

• I attended all her appointments via speaker phone, and would transcribe everything the doctor said and email it to her. SO much information is thrown at you during these appointments and the sheer shock of the disease is enough to give you brain fog. It was helpful for me to transcribe the doctor, and she could go back and re-read the notes as she needed to. If you are unable to have someone listen in and type, asking the doctor’s permission to record the visit's audio can be helpful.

• I purchased this calendar. Things move so quickly with cancer and your schedule becomes quickly consumed with doctor appointments, therapies, surgeries, and consultations. This calendar allowed her to track her appointments but also had special sections for her to keep track of blood counts, and other labs for quick reference.

• Button-up pajamas became her best friend. After surgery it is difficult to raise your arms for a bit so button up pajamas allowed her to dress and undress easily and with independence. I also purchased her some silk pajamas because the first few days after surgery even getting out of bed is a challenge, silk pajamas meant sliding off the bed effortlessly.

• Mastectomy pillow is a must! From hanging out on the couch, comfortably sleeping, and driving back and forth to the surgeon for visits the pillow allows for the patients arms to not touch their chest giving relief from pain.

• I purchased a gift card to their favorite restaurant for the days that she was too exhausted to cook, and my stepfather didn’t have the energy himself. It took the pressure off dinner, and I knew they would at least have one good meal that day.

• Join support groups and encourage them to join as well. Cancer can feel so isolating and a constant impeding fear of what is to come is lingering. It was so helpful to join a facebook group and read through other people’s similar fears and helpful suggestions.

• I signed her up for various care packages through organizations that focus on raising the spirits of those enduring treatment for breast cancer. She loved getting the happy mail and appreciated each package. Some of the helpful gifts they sent her were water bottles, cozy socks, lavender and peppermint scented aromatherapy items, lip balms, and handwritten encouraging notes. (PA Breast Cancer Org, Kits to Heart, National Breast Cancer Organization.)

• Most of all, I listened. I tried very hard to not project my fears onto her and listened to hers. The unknown of a cancer diagnosis is paralyzing and the fear can become overwhelming. I tried to keep conversations with my mom about topics other than cancer. We both knew that it was the only thing on our minds, but we both tried not to let the fears and the “what if’s” take over every conversation. Keeping things bluntly honest about the situation was important, we needed to both accept the diagnosis and that we had very little control in the situation. Acceptance was important.

Breast cancer affects 1 in every 8 women, and is the most commonly diagnosed cancer among American women (breastcancer.org) It does not discriminate, it enters into lives forcefully and without welcome and can devastate even the strongest families. My Mom is a warrior and beat cancer (this time; we aren’t naive, and know that her chances are higher of it returning.) Through all of this I learned one incredible lesson, no one fights a diagnosis of cancer alone. From calming doctors, surgeons, therapy technicianss, nurses, to amazing friends, family, and other patients when it comes to cancer people rally with overwhelming support. Once the hated word “cancer” makes it’s way into a life, it's as if everyone around them is fighting their fight with them. So this October I am feeling an overwhelming gratefulness that she is here to bring awareness to breast cancer. If you are of age of having a mammogram and/or have a family history of breast cancer; please make your appointment to have a mammogram done. It is the first line of defense for many breast cancer types, and allows early detection. Now, back to my unapologetically all things pink (and pumpkin spice) for the rest of October.

383 Days in KC

Our time in Kansas City, MO has come to an end. Our stay in KC started off quite rocky (and viral), and in some aspects remained the same because we never moved and stayed in the same home as we were in when I wrote my blog post. Despite the start, we did make amazing friendships, had some lovely neighbors, and built a community that we will always cherish and keep in touch with. While there we developed some favorites and found a rhythm here that made our time here delightful. Since we have already moved to our new “home”, I am reminiscing on our last year in KC, and some of our favorite experiences and places broken down by categories. 

Experiences in Kansas City and the surrounding suburbs are everywhere you look. KC is a city that boasts for their sports teams, outdoor life is plentiful, arts thrive, and there are plenty of things to do. Some of my favorite experiences in Kansas City have been, Pedal Hopper Tour, where you ride a multi person bicycle (that also has a motor) around to 3 different bars. The fun is on the bike and the bars are just extra. Black Card Tattoo Collective is near and dear to my heart. I went there to have my Mom’s handwriting tattooed on me after her cancer diagnosis and met Nick Wheeler. Things escalated quickly, and I was back in his chair for 35 hours of him tattooing my back piece, which ultimately won an award at a local tattoo convention. Wildflower School This is the school that we enrolled Audrey in, and I wish we could uplift the entire school (selfishly) and bring it with us. I could rave for hours about the school philosophy and the teachers, but I will keep it simple and say they are amazing and sorely missed.  Pumpkin Patch Weston Red Barn Farm was unlike anything I had experienced, it was picturesque and a perfect fall day including spiced cider, a tractor ride, and all the farm animals one could desire. BBQ is also going under experiences because it is truly remarkable how many BBQ establishments thrive in KC. BBQ here is a way of life, people rave over some and avoid others. The menus take time to get used to and once you find what you enjoy to order, you can do so at various restaurants and compare them. My favorite became Q39, where the brisket and burnt ends were my go-to and my cabinets always had a bottle of their famous sauce.  Lastly, is English Landing Park where I would spend hours with my kiddos having picnics, walking the trails, playing on the playgrounds, or tossing stones into the water.

The next few categories I am breaking down by top 5 because it’s hard to narrow it down any smaller. Kansas City (and surrounding suburbs) have so many amazing restaurants, bars, live music venues, parks, and family friendly activities. I was constantly out and about trying to discover new places and rating them in my mind for this top five list. 

Top 5 Places to go:

• The KC Zoo

• The River Market

• BarK

• Jowler Creek

• Downtown Parkville

Bars

• The Phoenix

• Green Lady Lounge

• Tom Pendergast

• Crossroads Hotel

• Call sign

Restaurants:

• Q39 BBQ

• Parkville Coffee

• Farina

• Cascones Italian Restaurant

• Chicken N Pickle

Kansas City, Missouri left an impression on our family. We certainly miss some aspects of the city and are grateful to have had time there, we are also happy to have moved on to our next location in Virginia. We struggled to find our rhythm in Missouri, more so than other moves our family has made; but once we did it was a bit challenging to leave. With each move, we try to take away mostly positive experiences and think back of how each location we live in helps our family to grow in different ways. Kansas City will always hold a special place for the first place Audrey went to school, where Maxwell started walking, where our family stood up for something we believe strongly in and stood our ground against hatred, and where I ate the best BBQ of my life and will forever miss burnt ends and adorable coffee shops. 

I’m Back…

It has been a long nine intentional months since my last post. After my last blog entry on racial discrimination our family was receiving, I was cautious to blog again. It was a concern to not have content to the caliber of the last post, but also fear of going viral again. While it was entertaining to watch my site analytics skyrocket overnight, a lot of unexpected interviews, attention, and hate came from that post. So, I took a well needed hiatus and missed the opportunity to blog on a lot of interesting topics and events; but I’m back! Blogging is my outlet and hobby which allows me to decompress and vent. I missed the opportunity to write out my feelings on various hot topics, and sharing events our family experienced, but needed to take a step back from the viral experience to decide if I wanted to keep sharing.

Let’s do a quick recap of the last nine months:

• We learned we are moving to Algeria in June 2022 and will be moving to VA to learn French in June 2021.

• My Mom was diagnosed, fought, and beat breast cancer.

• We had visits from Bamma, Nana, Abby, and Barrie.

• We tragically lost Jamari’s uncle Will, to Covid.

• We bought an investment property in Kansas City. (Anyone want to move to KC and rent from us?)

• Audrey began preschool and is thriving in the absolute best school for her. I’m so sad to be taking her out to move soon.

• Maxwell is walking, talking, and climbing on everything in sight.

• I spent 35 hours getting a full back tattoo, which won an award at a tattoo convention.

• We took our first family vacation to North Carolina for Christmas to visit O’ma and O’pa.

• We visited family in St. Louis.

• I took a solo trip to visit my Mom after her surgery for 3 days which was glorious; and then another trip back to visit with the kids which was chaos.

• Depression remains a very real and present battle for me.

• Jamari and I were both vaccinated for Covid.

I am sure I am missing some things, but this about sums up my blogging break. I have missed blogging my feelings on certain news topics and events, but I am certain there will be more opportunities. It’s good to be back!

Welcome Home, Kansas City!

We’ve arrived!! Last Monday we began our journey to Kansas City. Jamari took the long 23.5 hour road trip with Kingston and I headed to LA to visit with family and stay with the kids closer to the airport for two days. On Wednesday, the kids and I flew to Kansas City. Flying with two children, under the age of three, during a pandemic, with as many possessions we can fit into suitcases, solo, was honestly not as bad as I anticipated. I packed and repacked my suitcases, carry on, and diaper bag six times before leaving for the airport to help myself be as organized as possible. I’ll write another post about traveling solo and tips and tricks I developed and was given.

We boarded our flight after being delayed for 2.5 hours and only having ONE meltdown (Audrey) in the airport because none of the restaurants were open. The kids were exhausted because we didn’t get on the flight until 8:30 and bedtime is 7pm. Maxwell was sound asleep before the flight even left the ground, and Audrey was sleepy enough to be easily distracted with shows on her iPad for the majority of the flight. This was Maxwell’s first flight and Audrey’s 11th, but her first where she understood what was happening, and she was mesmerized. We arrived into Kansas City with no issues and I was pleasantly surprised how well both kids did with the flight, Jamari greeted us, collected all my cargo (2 car seats, a double stroller, 3 suitcases, a diaper bag, and a carry-on). We arrived at our new home at 2:30am, did a quick walk through of our home, and everyone went to sleep truly exhausted.

Since Wednesday, we have been incredibly busy. Our belongings were delivered on Friday, Ms. Abby (babysitter extraordinaire ) flew in on Friday to assist with the move and watching the kids while we unpacked and organized, and Jamari flew back to CA to sell a car and tie up loose ends while Abby and I did touristy things with the kids. Kansas City looks and feels so different from California, that it’s a bit of a shock. The humidity is oppressive. Living in the Middle East and then California for the better part of five years has this NJ girl forgetting what humidity feels like…hell. The bugs are big, the heat is in your face, and they definitely drive slower than I am used to, but I think we will really enjoy our time here. I love the area we live in, and every store I could possibly imagine is within 10 minutes of my house. We went to one of the top BBQ restaurants, Joe’s BBQ; which happens to share floor space with a gas station (shrug) to try Kansas City BBQ and was not disappointed. With over 9000 reviews and 5 stars I guess filling your car with gas and eating BBQ has it’s benefits. Abby and I visited the zoo with the kids and lasted a solid 45 minutes with the heat and humidity but managed to see tigers and red pandas. We went to the River Market which has a huge farmers market and international grocers and tried the best homemade ice cream KC has to offer at Betty Raes and were pretty impressed. Jamari and I snuck away for a date night which was really nice to decompress and be able to talk. We’ve done a few Target drive up orders, and visited the local grocery store to stock our house and unpacked and organized most of the rooms.

And before I knew it, it’s been six days in our new home. I have a large bucket list of things I would like to do while we are here for the next year. Moving can be stressful and very overwhelming, especially with kids. I didn’t know what to expect because this was our first move as a family, but everything went better than I anticipated and we’re all together again. Moving frequently is definitely not for everyone, and can cause even the most seasoned individuals in this lifestyle to get overwhelmed; but there is a part of the change that I crave. I love setting up our new space, I love finding new favorite places, I love exploring new cities and meeting new people, and I love getting visitors at my new homes…so book your tickets, flights are at an all time low.