In October, We Wear Pink!
This year, October’s breast cancer awareness month is feeling a bit closer to home than it has before. With complete honesty, I can admit that I used to be peeved how everything in October turned pink to bring awareness to breast cancer, but every other cancer type wasn’t represented in the same light. Then in December my world was shaken with my Mom’s diagnosis of breast cancer and this year, I want to paint my house pink to represent her struggle, her determination, and survival (but I won’t because I am currently renting and the neighbors probably wouldn’t appreciate that). My mom was diagnosed with lobular breast cancer, which is a rarer form of breast cancer. She discovered her lump herself, which indicated to her oncologists that she had the cancer within her for years undiagnosed, although she received annual mammograms that had not detected it. If you have ever experienced the world shattering diagnosis of cancer for yourself, a family member, a friend, then you can understand the close attachment you grow with the word ‘cancer’. I became completely consumed with all things breast cancer and spent hours researching and learning my way around every term, kind, research medications and treatments, and options. It became a job for me to completely understand everything surgeons, nurses, and doctors were telling my Mom and then to explain it to her in a way that wasn’t as terrifying. I personally took on the responsibility to know every outcome possible in her diagnosis and to navigate her journey beside her and filtering her from the things she didn’t need to know, to allow her to focus on her survival, knowing fully that survival wasn’t guaranteed.
My Mom was extraordinarily blessed and is in remission despite the size of her tumor and the timeframe for which she had the cancer undetected and we don’t take a moment to take that for granted. I wanted to take the time to write down some of the things I collected after hours of scouring the internet in the most hopeless moment of life in hopes of helping someone else who may be going through a breast cancer diagnosis or supporting someone with a diagnosis.
Ways to Help:
I lived a 3 hours plane ride to my mom in another state at the time, but selfishly needed to do as much as possible to help her, and be apart of the situation. Physically being there was a challenge, but technology made things much easier.
I attended all her appointments via speaker phone, and would transcribe everything the doctor said and email it to her. SO much information is thrown at you during these appointments and the sheer shock of the disease is enough to give you brain fog. It was helpful for me to transcribe the doctor, and she could go back and re-read the notes as she needed to. If you are unable to have someone listen in and type, asking the doctor’s permission to record the visit's audio can be helpful.
I purchased this calendar. Things move so quickly with cancer and your schedule becomes quickly consumed with doctor appointments, therapies, surgeries, and consultations. This calendar allowed her to track her appointments but also had special sections for her to keep track of blood counts, and other labs for quick reference.
Button-up pajamas became her best friend. After surgery it is difficult to raise your arms for a bit so button up pajamas allowed her to dress and undress easily and with independence. I also purchased her some silk pajamas because the first few days after surgery even getting out of bed is a challenge, silk pajamas meant sliding off the bed effortlessly.
Mastectomy pillow is a must! From hanging out on the couch, comfortably sleeping, and driving back and forth to the surgeon for visits the pillow allows for the patients arms to not touch their chest giving relief from pain.
I purchased a gift card to their favorite restaurant for the days that she was too exhausted to cook, and my stepfather didn’t have the energy himself. It took the pressure off dinner, and I knew they would at least have one good meal that day.
Join support groups and encourage them to join as well. Cancer can feel so isolating and a constant impeding fear of what is to come is lingering. It was so helpful to join a facebook group and read through other people’s similar fears and helpful suggestions.
I signed her up for various care packages through organizations that focus on raising the spirits of those enduring treatment for breast cancer. She loved getting the happy mail and appreciated each package. Some of the helpful gifts they sent her were water bottles, cozy socks, lavender and peppermint scented aromatherapy items, lip balms, and handwritten encouraging notes. (PA Breast Cancer Org, Kits to Heart, National Breast Cancer Organization.)
Most of all, I listened. I tried very hard to not project my fears onto her and listened to hers. The unknown of a cancer diagnosis is paralyzing and the fear can become overwhelming. I tried to keep conversations with my mom about topics other than cancer. We both knew that it was the only thing on our minds, but we both tried not to let the fears and the “what if’s” take over every conversation. Keeping things bluntly honest about the situation was important, we needed to both accept the diagnosis and that we had very little control in the situation. Acceptance was important.
Breast cancer affects 1 in every 8 women, and is the most commonly diagnosed cancer among American women (breastcancer.org) It does not discriminate, it enters into lives forcefully and without welcome and can devastate even the strongest families. My Mom is a warrior and beat cancer (this time; we aren’t naive, and know that her chances are higher of it returning.) Through all of this I learned one incredible lesson, no one fights a diagnosis of cancer alone. From calming doctors, surgeons, therapy technicianss, nurses, to amazing friends, family, and other patients when it comes to cancer people rally with overwhelming support. Once the hated word “cancer” makes it’s way into a life, it's as if everyone around them is fighting their fight with them. So this October I am feeling an overwhelming gratefulness that she is here to bring awareness to breast cancer. If you are of age of having a mammogram and/or have a family history of breast cancer; please make your appointment to have a mammogram done. It is the first line of defense for many breast cancer types, and allows early detection. Now, back to my unapologetically all things pink (and pumpkin spice) for the rest of October.
