Mom Funk

I’ve taken enough psych classes and watched enough Grey’s Anatomy to comfortably be able to diagnose a few ailments and ‘mom funk’ is one of them. This is an uncomfortable post for me because it’s admitting I am not perfect and ride the struggle bus more frequently than I want to admit.

‘Mom funk’ isn’t laying in bed, unmotivated, and rapidly changing emotions of depression; which I suffered from (PPD) horribly and was helped with medication. Mom funk isn’t a true diagnosis; rather, it’s the attitude that every single Mom has felt walking around her house looking at dishes in the sink, empty toilet paper rolls, toys spread across the floor, and then the looming statement for the 27th time by a toddler, “I’m bored”. Being a Mom is complicated; you have a constant battle of not losing your own identity but also fully devoting yourself to your children and spouse. I want to be the absolute best mother I can be and feel an intense responsability to raise kind and productive children. But, the pressure I inflict on myself with ridiculous expectations can lead to pushing myself into a funk.

When I walk into the kitchen and see a sink full of dishes I feel the pressure of having them washed and put away immediately. I can’t stand to see toys spread around my house, which is completely irrational because I have two children under the age of 3. The laundry never manages to make it out of the hampers and into the drawers when folded unless we are having guests. When Jamari leaves a pair of socks on the edge of the couch it throws me into the evil wife tone of voice and I start the argument of, “am I the only person who can see this stuff?”. So how do I escape this funk? It’s easy to get into, and even easier to rabbit hole down and turn it into a week long funk and that’s not fun for anyone.

Be Grateful

I can easily fall into a mood that manifests thoughts of, “I wish I had a career again”, wanting to switch spots with Jamari for a day, or wanting a solo vacation; but that’s short lived when I am hugged by one of my babies, or Audrey says, “you da best Mom!”. When I feel overwhelmed with Mom life I try to take a few minutes to myself to re-center my thoughts. I am so grateful for this life. For this opportunity to not work, and stay home with my littles while they grow, to never miss a milestone, and to have the freedom of our day be whatever I plan. Of course, there are some days that I miss getting dressed and going to work, but I will have that opportunity again. In this season of life, my career is raising my children and I am content with that. So when I start to feel the looming thoughts of ‘ugh’, I take a deep breath and remember my “why” for choosing to stay home.

Time to Myself

While I adore being around my children (most days) I also crave time to myself. My children are still so dependent on me for everything from 34 snacks/meals a day, diaper changes, potty runs, and constant activities that sometimes I want to do nothing and be silent. I could never understand why my Mom enjoyed going to work every morning…now I know she pooped in peace. It’s important for me to take a few minutes a few times a day to disconnect and focus on what I need. Sometimes that means aimlessly scrolling social media while the babies nap, sometimes that means taking a shower that involves following the instructions on the shampoo and conditioner bottle (have you ever tried that?), drinking my coffee in my bedroom solo (while Jamari is home, of course). It could be a simple solo trip to the bathroom, which doesn’t happen often or scheduling a massage. It’s just time for me to take a few deep breaths, and focus on myself too. My babies and husband are happier when I am happy, so I need to focus on myself too.

Treat Yo’self!

Motherhood can become mundane, if you allow it to be. It can become a monotonous schedule day in and day out, especially with a global pandemic keeping most of us home more than we’d like to be. I have a very supportive husband who sees when I am dropping into a “Mom funk” (maybe it’s my tone?) pushes me to do something for myself. I recently, allowed Mom funk to linger longer than it should have and the quarantine didn’t help it. My weight was an uncomfortable topic since having two babies within 23 months of each other and I felt gross. So, I used my quarantine time (3 months) to drop 28lbs and feel more alive. With the support of Jamari, I got on a strict diet, I let him become my personal trainer, and I pushed myself harder than I ever had. It didn’t feel like a treat while I was tossing tires around my front yard, but the end result is what I wanted. If there is something making you feel blah and pushing you further down into your funk, you owe it to yourself to focus on that for a bit.

Tomorrow is Another Day

It happens more than I would like to admit; I yell, I get overwhelmed, I get angry or frustrated, but I go to sleep and inevitably miss my kids so much I want to wake them up to tell them. It’s a never ending cycle. I pray before I sleep each night because it’s my calming routine, and every single night I am reminded, tomorrow is another day. Regardless of how difficult today was, the chores that need to be done, the endless laundry and dishes, or the stress that turned into my voice being raised; tomorrow is new. In the thick of a rough patch I stop and remind myself of this. I am only human, and completely out numbered (2 kids, 1 husband, 1 dog), but I can manage it all if I focus on what I need too. If I am realistic in my expectations, slow down a bit, and shift my mindset from “OMG another dish in the sink?” to “I’ll clean these before dinner, for now lets go outside and play”, life become more moment focused and less stressful.

The days can be long but the years are so short and I try my best to remind myself of that. This is yet another season of life that I will look back upon and say, “I don’t know how I got through that, but it was fun.” I hope my children remember fun memories instead of stressed out Mom, so I do my best to pull myself out of Mom funk quickly and re-center my mindset.